Tuesday, 6 May 2008

Beware: The Wrath Of The Disposable Razor

Once again (for around the third time this week) I find myself in a rather awkward situation. With my leg delicately balanced over the edge of the snow white bathroom sink, which I mustn't fail to mention is rapidly turning a contrasting shade of crimson, I reach blindly for the bathroom towel which could, quite frankly be anywhere. As soon as I have located the item in question, I've got to to wrap it around myself in a way which makes me look at least half decent (disregarding the torrents of blood rushing from my leg of course) and then unlock the bathroom door. All without moving my leg from it's precarious position upon the bathroom sink. It's then time for the mad dash from the bathroom to the bedroom whilst trying to preserve ones dignity and hold the towel in place as well as shut the door behind me in case of suspect brigades of steam out to suffocate the walls with mould (according to the parents). All preformed hopping and stumbling along on one leg to prevent, heaven help us, any blood flowing onto the carpet....As I finally reach my haven and grope blindly for the Vaseline (wonder cure) and the plasters I'm exhausted.

All this because I refuse to spend over an hours wages on a three pack of razor blade refills?
Now I understand that a five for a pound supermarket disposable razor deal won't have quite the same quality levels as my *insert top brand name here* refills but surely they shouldn't be dangerous? Now I'm not incapable or stupid in anyway shape or form however every single time I use one of these budget blades a minimum of at least two gushing cuts appear. Not only is it costing me a small fortune in plasters and Vaseline but I'm now embarrassed for the first time ever to show off my legs only to have my friends ask "Oooo how'd you do that?!?!?". Oh yes excuse me I'm just incapable of using a disposable razor blade ok? As I sit down and look I discover no less than 10 scars between my two legs ranging from between three and six centimetres in size. Not nice.

Never had I been so relieved to part with so much cash as the shop assistant hands over such a minuscule product. Cheap razors look great on your bank balance, yea sure. But I'm warning you. You legs (and bathroom sink) won't.

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